Squirrel Hostilities

Squirrel Hostilities

It’s 8.30am and I’m feeling quite tense;

There are squirrels lined up on my back garden fence.

I know why they’re here, why they’ve brought all their gear,

So I sit back and wait for the war to commence.


It started last week on June 23rd;

I saw in my garden a big hungry bird.

So I hung a nut feeder in my favourite tree,

And sat back to watch with a hot cup of tea.


There were big birds and small birds, the squirrels came too.

I thought ‘What does it matter if they eat a few?’

But they took the lot – to my utter surprise,

The whole bird feeder gone right in front of my eyes!

And unable to bear all those hungry bird cries,

I rushed out to buy a whole host of supplies.


Now there are lasers and sensors and bullet-proof dome,

And a military-grade ninja gardening gnome.

So bring it on squirrels, come on take your best shot.

I’ve prepared my defences let’s see what you’ve got!


Four squirrels lined up in matching fatigues,

Preparing to steal my ‘tasty mix’ seeds.

One dropped to the floor, another jumped on the shed,

Two more scaled tall plants in the north flower bed.

Then they took out the gnome with some squirrel kung fu,

Blew up the lasers and the sensors went too.


But the bullet proof dome withstood every attack;

Its mysterious form they just could not crack.

After hours unable to break this defence,

They withdrew to regroup on a neighbouring fence.


“Victory!” I cried, on the edge of my seat,

Watching with triumph as they accepted defeat.

Once they’d gathered their gear and scampered off home,

I dashed out to collect what was left of the gnome!


It seems that those squirrels have finally learned,

Those nuts are for birds for they’ve never returned.


But before you feel sad for these committers of crime,

They do have an ally – my neighbour Ms Prime.

That woman took action, though I tried to prevent her,

And hung from her porch a squirrel feed centre.



Elizabeth Pedley