A new darkness has fallen. A new army of clone ducks is ruled by Donald Duck, who controls the ducks with …….. tweets. He is helped by Darth Huey, Darth Dewey, Darth Louie and Vladimir Puffin, even though he lives far, far away on a different land mass, although it is not blatantly obvious that this is true. Barrack Obarnowl has been frozen in a large block of stuff by Vladimir Puffin, but Princess Kylie dresses up in a rather attractive outfit, steals the block of stuff and takes it to a secret base in Seaton Curlew. If only she could work out the code to un-freeze the block but her head just keeps spinning around. She just can’t get that image of Yodean out of her head. Yes, she should be so lucky.
All that remains of the rebels at Saltholme are Yodean, George Icewalker and a hologram of Obi-swan. Yodean and George meet up by the main lake in the mornings to discuss important issues such as global warming. But George is from Australia, and can’t see what all the fuss is about. So Yodean explains about changing wind patterns, the difficulty of predicting how that will affect different regions, sea level rise and something about Paris, home of the Eider Tower, which was never finished, and is still full of holes.
Global warming ?
George ponders all he has heard and contemplates the fate of the planet. He turns to Yodean saying “this is indeed a vary complex issue which requires lots of suet pellets, all the world leaders to come together with suet pellets, and come up with a plan to get more suet pellets, in Paris. Now can I have some suet pellets ?”
The hologram of Obi-swan appears and tells them to go to the wildlife watchpoint where they’ll find the merlin falcon and then go to Condor. After a breakfast of suet pellets, Yodean and George go to the wildlife watchpoint and find the merlin falcon hidden in the swampy willows. They head to Condor to meet the little furry teddy bears, who have been genetically manufactured by the Federal Bureau of In vitro fertilisation. They form a huge army of furriness and head to earth in furry spaceships for a massive battle. While there is unpleasant carnage all around them, as no grown ups ever considered the impacts upon young children of seeing little furry teddy bears in a massive battle, George confronts Donald Duck who rather casually announces that he is in fact Georges father. Is this true ? or is it fake news ?
As George struggles to contemplate his ancestry, Donald Duck moves in to finish him off, with blue lightning surging from his arms, where some hands should be. But a little furry spear comes flying through the air and takes Donald’s hair piece off into the distance. Donald flees in terror, there is a huge explosion and everyone cheers.
Yodean and George return to Saltholme, where they spend the mornings by the main lake, watching over the ducks and discussing important issues of the day such as the quantity and spatial layout of the new dragonfly ponds as part of the Saltholme Wetlands Project, or what the new second story view will be like from the soon to be re-vamped Saltholme Hide, will the Eider Tower ever be finished and why sunflower hearts are just not as yummy as suet pellets.
.
The End.
All characters, alive or blown up, depicted in this blog are entirely fictitious, and bear no resemblance to any person, alive or blown up, apart from Yodean, Princess Kylie and George Icewalker. It is also highly unlikely that Princess Kylie would have romantic intentions towards Yodean, even though he is handsome stable genius, of sorts.
How did you stop laughing for long enough to complete this? Absolutely brilliant!
Our herring gulls are red listed birds. Think about that the next time you hear some flaming idiot calling for a cull of them.