As a widower congenitally incapable of cooking (even muesli is too advanced), it's no wonder that my first foray into making my own "fat balls" ended in a fairish smattering of good old fashioned Anglo-Saxon oaths and curses.
It wasn't the making of them that caused me such heartbreak and anguish (gently heat a block of lard, when melted and clear pour into four empty yoghurt pots, add seeds, nuts and raisins and put in fridge to cool) but what to do next.
The first pot I tried to turn out, the next morning, was all soft and broke into several squishy pieces. My hands got covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pot was pulverised beyond recognition.
So, I put the other three pots in the freezer, surmising that this would harden them sufficiently to allow me to extract the contents without them collapsing, my hands getting covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pots being pulverised beyond recognition.
I should have known it would all go wrong!
I couldn't get the contents out without cutting the pots part way down and then tearing them off. This, of course (and you're ahead of me here, aren't you!) caused the contents to collapse, my hands to get covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pots being pulverised beyond recognition.
There has to be an easier way, so just what can an aspiring Gordon Ramsey (failed, failed, failed and failed again) do? I've matched him in profanities in this venture but not in culinary skills!
And the first person to say "season to taste and bake in a moderate oven until done" will hear from my solicitors. That's precisely what every single recipe in the world says at the end, even the saintly Delia's advice on how to boil an egg, and I just don't understand what it means, apart from the fact that I will ruin whatever I try!
Help!
Hello iBozz, I am the lazy one. I don't make fat balls and after hearing your story, I am not going to start. I just buy them, but please, you keep making them, I just look forward to your progress report.
Hi iBozz
I am also a useless cook & not even freezing cold desperate birds would attempt my lard fat balls / cakes.
However I came across this wonder bucket of suety fat mix from one of the online shops ( I duno if i can mention the name on here re: advertising etc :-S) but its either the 'food4' one or the 'wiggly' one. The bucket costs about £12 if I remember rightly and it has lasted me ages. All you do is scrape out the quantity you need from the bucket, put it in a microwave bowl cook it for 2 mins approx. and then add your extra bits. My blue tits love brazil & pine nuts and sunflower hearts. stir it all up and either refill your coconut shells or make a ball in the middle of a piece of baking paper and twist it up. It sets in about an hour. The only problem is that it does really stink but it evacuates the kids from the house :-) I guess you could mix your lard with the bucket stuff to dilut it down a bit and make it go further to save money too.
iBozz said: As a widower congenitally incapable of cooking (even muesli is too advanced), it's no wonder that my first foray into making my own "fat balls" ended in a fairish smattering of good old fashioned Anglo-Saxon oaths and curses. It wasn't the making of them that caused me such heartbreak and anguish (gently heat a block of lard, when melted and clear pour into four empty yoghurt pots, add seeds, nuts and raisins and put in fridge to cool) but what to do next. The first pot I tried to turn out, the next morning, was all soft and broke into several squishy pieces. My hands got covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pot was pulverised beyond recognition. So, I put the other three pots in the freezer, surmising that this would harden them sufficiently to allow me to extract the contents without them collapsing, my hands getting covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pots being pulverised beyond recognition. I should have known it would all go wrong! I couldn't get the contents out without cutting the pots part way down and then tearing them off. This, of course (and you're ahead of me here, aren't you!) caused the contents to collapse, my hands to get covered in unpleasant greasy lard and the yoghurt pots being pulverised beyond recognition. There has to be an easier way, so just what can an aspiring Gordon Ramsey (failed, failed, failed and failed again) do? I've matched him in profanities in this venture but not in culinary skills! And the first person to say "season to taste and bake in a moderate oven until done" will hear from my solicitors. That's precisely what every single recipe in the world says at the end, even the saintly Delia's advice on how to boil an egg, and I just don't understand what it means, apart from the fact that I will ruin whatever I try! Help!
i dont make fatballs what i do is get an empty butter carton put the excess fat or dripping from the sunday lunch into it and add wild seeds,dry mealworm and crushed nuts and mix, tie a piece of string to it and bobs your fathers brother
I thought that Bob was my mother's mother's mother's husband's daughter's son, but I could be wrong. Or maybe that was my cousin thrice removed (by the police).
But I digress.
Ripe suggestions one and all and I shall play around with the various options in due course. As there has been a goodish amount of snow today, all the birds have sensibly stayed at home wrapping their Christmas presents and roasting chestnuts in their fires, so my home made "fat balls" have remained untouched - indeed, unvisited.
But I shal starve them into submission and have them eternally grateful for eating any old scraps if they decline my hospiatlity much longer.
Or maybe I'll buy a cat instead. That'll teach 'em.
I'm going to try the cling film method first as I rashly bought enough lard to last a lifetime and I shan't use it for anything else - unless I can put it on my muesli for breakfast.
Hi all,
The attached may be of interest, re: using fat left over from cooking roast meats:-
http://www.wildlifeextra.com/go/news/bird-fat.html#cr
The necessity of bird-watching is a really good reason for avoiding all forms of housework.
The dust will still be there tomorrow - the birds may not be!
Thanks for the link and the warning Squirrel - I would never have known about this otherwise... Thank you!
Regards
Kerry
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kezmo6310/
As you may have seen on this mornings news, an RSPB spokesman said, 'do not use turkey/ meat fat as it can become salmonela infected and therefore harm the birds.
Sorry Squirrel, have just seen your posting.
Now this news about turkey fat opens up a whole new can of worms.
Pondering that statement a bit more makes me realise that if it did open a can of worms I wouldn't need to faff around making "fat balls" for I could just feed the dinosaur descendants the worms and cut out the middleman - but life's never that simple.
So this news about turkey fat opens up a whole new can of inedible artificial worms.
Lard is soft. An incontrovertible fact that I proved with a scientific experiment under controlled laboratory conditions when I made my avian equivalent of sticky buns. So soft and sticky was it that I got it on my nose and ears when scratching, on the work-surface, on the cooker, on door handles and on my ... well, Ladies should look away now as all Gentlemen will understand when I say that I went to the smallest room in the house.
So, does the statement "It remains soft even when cooled, meaning it could smear onto birds' feathers and ruin their water-proofing and insulating qualities" apply to lard based offerings or should I switch to dripping and risk the diners breaking their beaks on an iron hard lunch?
There's much more to this "be kind to birds" lark (Geddit? Lark? Ho, ho! - OK, I'm leaving, I'll get my coat ,,,) than I ever imagined.
Hi all, I didn't know either. When I was a kid and the Sunday roast was cooked in either lard or beef dripping we always used to put the fat out for the birds so it was new to me as well!