View From The Shed by Shaun Finnie - THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK

THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK

Come on, admit it. You used the title of this week's blog as an excuse when you were at school, didn't you? Either that or “I left it on the bus, Miss”. These are the two perennial excuses for not doing the required preparatory work before each new school day. They're classics and have passed through the generations. And guess what? Newsflash, kids; the teachers have heard it all before and they won't believe you. These classic fake reasons for shirking what you need to do didn't work decades ago when I was at school and they don't work now. They won't work for you as an adult either. If you have to do something the best think to do is just crack on and do it. As the cringe-worthy office poster says, 'Fail to prepare – Prepare to Fail'. It's cheesy but it's true.

All this preamble is my way of long-winded way of saying that this week, yet again, I managed to self-sabotage a birding trip by not doing the simplest of research about the site first. I'm not going to name the location but there will be clues along the way. You can work it out if you really want to.

It's a coastal site and I was staying about two hours' drive away from it. I'd loaded my satnav with the RSPB's Points of Interest file (a highly recommended download that is preprogrammed with the exact location of most of the RSPB's reserves around the country) and set off with hope in my heart, a list of target birds in my notebook and a gaping hole in my wallet because I'd filled my petrol tank that morning.

I arrived at the designated spot but was unsure if it was correct as their were no huge seabird colonies, no majestic cliffs and crucially, no signs saying “Welcome to the RSPB reserve of your choice”. I was in a tiny car park at the side of a small beach. This couldn't be right could it? The satnav kept on pinging, “You have arrived at your destination”, so I double checked with the maps app on my phone. That said that there were birdwatching hides nearby but they were three miles away, around the headland and above the next bay. So I jumped back into the car and drove in that direction. And I drove. And drove. There were no turnings, no roads going in even vaguely the correct direction, not even a friendly local to ask for guidance. The only possible option I saw was an overgrown farm track behind a sign saying “Private Road, Keep Out!” so that couldn't be it, could it? I've seen enough trashy horror films set in the American Deep South to know that signs like that are best obeyed.

Eventually, after driving aimlessly for an hour, I arrived back at the same small car park beside the same small beach. After a short walk on the sand I decided to cut my losses and head back to the delights of my accommodation – and their welcoming bar – but not before I'd spent a delightful few moments watching Sand Martins zoom in and out of a natural sandbank. Thank heaven for small mercies. It was a wonderful sight but not quite the teeming wall of seabirds that I'd expected.

So my timesheet for the day read, two hours there – one hour searching in an increasingly frustrating and futile manner – ten minutes birdwatching – two hours drive back. Not the relaxing day trip I'd hoped for. I never did set foot on the reserve.

I have to say that at no point did I see a single RSPB sign saying either 'You Are Here' or 'Go This Way'. One thing that visitors frequently compliment the Old Moor site on is its brown directional road signs, showing the way from five miles away or more. This particular site was severely lacking in that helpful detail.

But... But...

But if I'd read up even a little bit about the site I'd have found that mine is a common experience. Once back in my room and liquidly fortified I did a bit of research. It was the kind of research that I should have done before I even left the safety of South Yorkshire. If I'd done my homework I'd have learned that many others had been there before me and they'd all discovered the same thing. The small flat car park next to the beach was indeed the correct place to park up. And then I should have walked. Three miles away, up a steep path to the clifftop and over the headland to the next bay, that's where I would have found my target birds, all swooping and screaming and smelling of fish. Or alternatively, as one particularly helpful website said, there is a very nice farmer who lives quite close to the hides. He'll happily let respectful birders park on his land for a small fee but he has erected 'Keep Out' signs to discourage rowdy groups of undesirables. If only I'd known.

This failed trip ranks alongside the time that I drove 150 miles to another RSPB reserve, only to find that the car park entrance was chained and padlocked. The site was no longer open to the public without prior arrangement due to exhibitionist types who had taken to using it for their own explicit adult entertainment. With cameras.

Or when I sailed to a well-known island seabird colony and was disappointed to see it was completely devoid of birdlife. There was nothing wrong with the site but there was plenty wrong with my planning. I'd timed my trip to arrive just after all the birds had departed on their annual migration which is apparently predictable each year almost to the day. The only bird in sight was a windswept and very lost Robin who had enchanted the island's wardens as he was a real rarity for the site, having been blown in from the mainland. Colour me underwhelmed.

More than once have I found paths, hides or even an entire reserve closed due to the breeding season. Hands up if you've been in that situation? Or perhaps, like me, you haven't been able to access a particular birding site at all due to roadworks or flooding.

In every one of these cases a simple glance at Mr Google's world of information would have stopped the problem before it arose. Or to be more specific, before I left home. Had I made a simple check I could have found that there was an issue and made alternate plans for the day. Or at least prepared myself for a slog up a cliff.

So please, before you set off on your next birding trip, do your homework. For example, if you were planning a trip to Old Moor you could read to the end of these blogs to see an image of the latest sightings board...