FAQs – FUNNY ACTUAL QUESTIONS
If you read these blogs regularly you'll know that they range wildly from serious scientific study to frivolous whimsy. One week I might be delving into the anatomy of a bird's eye, the next week I could be questioning how people expect to be well hidden in a deciduous forest when their camouflage gear depicts only coniferous trees. I do like to offer something for everybody, from ornithology academics to kids getting excited by their first sighting of a Bullfinch. In short, I ramble.
A friend recently asked, “How do you come up with something new to write about each week? Where do you get your ideas from?”
As someone who's always made a living from writing I've been asked this question many times. My standard glib answer is, “There's a shop on a little backstreet in Rotherham. It's called 'Ideas-R-Us'. They keep the good ones under the counter for me.” Ho-ho, sorry.
The truth is that there are ideas all around, every day. I watch, I listen, I scribble notes all the time. You might have seen me at the Old Moor Welcome Shed scratching away at my little notebook. It could be that I was writing initial ideas for a future blog. Or maybe it was just my shopping list. Either way, I've learned to see inspiration everywhere. Perhaps a better question for my friend to ask might have been, “How do you filter all the ideas that come to you and pick which one to write about each week?”.
A lot of inspirational sparks come from our lovely RSPB reserve visitors and the things they tell me about. They may have seen something unusual on their walk or have a question about what they've seen. Perhaps they just want to talk about a great sighting they've had in the past or something they've read recently about the natural world. Concerns, joys, simple observations – all of this might cause a lightbulb to flick on in my head and send me off into a flight of fancy which ends up as words in a blog. I'm just a conduit and a filter.
So this week I thought I'd treat you to the raw material and share some actual questions that I've been asked in my role as a Welcome Volunteer. I've slightly amended a few of them to protect me from libel accusations, but they're all true, honestly.
Where's the toilet? - This is of course the most common question that anyone who works in public places is asked. I answer that it's the blue door in the corner of our courtyard and it's the most important door on the reserve. I once asked a little boy what he thought was behind this most important blue door. He replied, “Is it Dr Who's Tardis?” Bless. I absolutely hated to disappoint him.
Where will I see (bird X)? - There is never, ever, a guarantee that any of us will see a particular bird at a particular time in a particular place. I can't tell you where you WILL see things, I can just point you in the right direction. Just because we've had a small flock of Spoonbills visible from our Wath Ings hide for the past month or so, doesn't mean that they'll be there if you pop in to see them. I promise nothing, I can only tell you how to maximise your chances of seeing things. Don't shoot the messenger.
What soup is your cafe serving today? - OK, I don't get asked this question all that often but it's one that I want to know the answer to every time I'm working out in the cold. Trust me on this; Old Moor's minestrone is quite simply the best soup I've ever tasted.
Aren't you the guy who writes the blog every week? Guilty. You've seen the pictures. How can there be two of me? Big bloke, big hat. Come and say hello.
Can you please identify this bird from the blurry photo on the back of my camera? Or even worse, from my vague description. It was a bit dull coloured and maybe average size. It was making a noise but I can't really describe it. It definitely flew off though. Can you tell me what it was? - We'll do our best. Those of us who work in the Shed all have a basic bird I.D. knowledge and we have some good reference books. We usually have the advantage of knowing what birds are here at any given time as well so that's a good starting point. We're pretty good at birds but if you ask about dragonflies, plants or insects, we might resort to pointing you at Google Lens.
What should I do about this? - This one isn't funny at all. I absolutely dread seeing someone walking down our entrance drive with a cardboard box in their hands. My heart sinks and I automatically reach for a radio to call for help. Invariable it's a bird in the box – maybe even more than one – and their usually unwell or too young to fend for themselves. If you take nothing away from this week's piece, remember this; the RSPB is not a rescue charity. We do not take in sick or injured animals. The golden rule is... never, ever, pick up a wild bird however sick, injured or young it may look. Leave it where it is, please. It may live. It may not. Either way, nature will take its course. If it dies then something else will use its body for precious food, enabling that creature to survive. It may sound harsh or cruel but it happens every day without you knowing. It's nature in balance.
I know it's a daft question, but I could swear I've just seen some penguins out there – It's not really a daft question. You'll be surprised how many times people say this. Big black birds with white throats and tummies, standing hunched up on an island. I can see how people might think that they're Pingu's relations but they aren't. They're simply young Cormorants. This identification game can be harder than you'd think.
And of course one of our most common questions is, “What birds are out there at the moment?” With excellent timing, this brings me to the end of this week's blog, as we always finish with a photo of our current sightings board. Pop in over the summer and say 'Hi', and maybe you'll see some of the following birds. But I guarantee nothing.
Volunteer Shaun welcomes visitors to RSPB Old Moor. He also writes a weekly blog about life at the reserve titled, "View From the Shed". He usually wears a big hat.