Worrying H&S issue at this weekend's performances

As word of the continuing rave reviews of the newest hit wildlife show "How to be a Bittern" flood the media, your correspondent can report a worrying disregard for H&S being shown by the performers.  At great personal sacrifice, your correspondent has been monitoring recent shows and hopes that this exposé will bring to people's attention the shocking truth about this iconic reedbed specialist.

It starts well, with the floor manager peering from backstage, checking on the size of the audience

The star of the show can be seen limbering up, stretching the muscles

and getting the feathers just-so, making sure to present a good image.

This is gratifying to see, because there have been recent complaints about slovenly presentation, with food remains (fish scales) left after a snack

The warm up act is a bit strange - though it is good to see the various members of the Heron family working together on this production.  The Grey Heron's "funky chicken" act is perhaps a poor choice for the cultured visitor, though always a favourite with the children

Soon though, it is time for the support acts to leave the stage, first the Grey Heron

and then the Great White Egret

The GWE's part in the production has always been ignored, questions about its involvement are regularly avoided by the production team.  Your correspondent can exclusively reveal, however, that the GWE's primary role is actually that of lookout

With the audience settled, it is time for the star of the show to put in an appearance

Skulking across the cut reeds

Showing off those big green feet

The excitement in the hide is palpable - there should surely be a presence of St John's Ambulance volunteers to care for all the visitors overcome with the experience of seeing these normally elusive birds.

However, the real worry and serious cause for concern is this.  How long will it be?

Just how long will it be before a Bittern EXPLODES in front of the hide after eating HUGE numbers of such big fish!!!

The public need to know the dangers!

:-)

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