View From The Shed by Volunteer Shaun - DATE NIGHT

DATE NIGHT

If you’re of a romantic nature it won’t have escaped your notice that it’s been Valentine’s Day this week. If you are in a relationship and you've forgotten then this will probably be the reason that your partner has been in a grumpy mood for the last few days. It’s not too late to make amends but you’ll have to go for a big gesture this late in the game. This has been a valuable public service announcement. You’re welcome.

The whole concept of finding a partner, then maybe trying again and again until you find the correct partner, then finding out if they think the same about you, then going through the business of mating and raising young…  It’s complicated and time consuming, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s also physically, emotionally and financially draining (or is that just me?) but most of us will endure it at some point in our lives. 

Maybe you’ll recognise some of the following stages of courtship and attraction? Dressing up in uncomfortable but allegedly attractive and alluring clothing. Dousing ourselves in even more allegedly seductive potions (face it lads, Lynx never did work). Throwing our bodies into dancefloor shapes for which they were never intended. In my case at least, this last one certainly never worked in attracting a potential ladylove.

But if we’re lucky all of this could lead to an intimate liaison involving a meal, flowers, chocolates and low lighting. Some people might enhance the mood by playing songs by Barry White/Ed Sheeran/Nicki Minaj (delete as appropriate. Each to their own)

I’ll draw a discrete veil over proceedings at that point but you get the idea. It’s hot date time and hopefully the embarrassment of the courtship rituals have a happy ending for all involved.

This whole ridiculous but necessary process is much easier for birds, even though they too have their own time-honoured traditions and rules for their courtship rituals where the one that gets the highest score ‘wins’. For example, Mallards take a very basic approach. The male simply follows the female like an insistent puppy until she either acquiesces to his urging or he’s chased off and replaced by a more assertive drake. The star birds at Old Moor, our rare Bitterns, do something similar. The female will take flight and any potential suitor will rise into the air behind her. He’ll fly as close as he can, sometimes with his beak actually touching her tail feathers, and follow her as she twists and turns through the air. I’ve been fortunate to see this gorgeous event. It was an absolute delight to see her testing him with each circuit of the reedbed. For over an hour I watched and frankly, the novelty eventually wore off as my neck began to ache, watching this amazing courtship ritual unfolding over my head. Thankfully she eventually decided that he was worth the trouble. Either that or she couldn’t be bothered to run any more and decided to settle for the nearest bloke. Not so much ‘Mr Right’ as ‘Mr Right Now’. 

Goldeneye ducks go for the display option. Mr Gold throws his head back in a whiplash-inducing snap and looks to the skies. Quite how this shows his intended that his genes are the best for her to make babies with I’m not sure but that’s the measure of top boyfriend material in her world. They’re doing this at Old Moor at the time or writing.

Other birds go for colourful plumage. Look at the Finches and Tits for examples of this and remember, we’re seeing them with our very human eyes. They can see in a different spectrum to us so, for example, they can see the dark cap that a male Blue Tit sports which is invisible to us. The intensity of this is a big turn-on to Mrs Bluey. She’ll use it when selecting a mate yet to us “they all look the same”. 

Showing off is a big part of all dating rituals. Just look at men trying to act so tough and women pretending to be oh so demure and uninterested. We’ve all been there, and so have many birds. Mute Swans are perfect examples of this kind of courtship. Look at the way that they bob their heads and make ‘heart’ shapes with their necks, mirroring each others’ moves. If they get along then they get along for life. 

This mirroring technique is taken to extremes by Great Crested Grebes. We have some pairing up on Old Moor’s waterways at the moment. They bob and shake their heads, one after the other, copying the other’s body language as a way of showing their compatibility. They offer gifts of weeds (their equivalent of red roses) and even dance together, rising up out of the water to hurriedly step across the surface together in a synchronised two step that is one of nature’s spring highlights.

As we’ve seen, it’s usually the male who does most of the silly posturing, singing and displaying. The females are usually much more restrained. All they have to do is figuratively ‘swipe right’ (I’m told by those much younger than me that this is the correct way of showing their interest in a potential mate. In my day this involved winks, raised eyebrows and offers of a Babycham with a cherry in it. I don’t know if things have improved or not). The ladies are of course the sensible ones. While the males go to all that ridiculous trouble, she simply has to decide, “Is this the best I can do? Are there any better suitors available to father my children?” 

And here’s a sweet thought to end with. You know those Swallows that turn up here to mark the start of summer (even though just one individual does not one make)? Well as you read this they will have already started their long journey back to Britain to meet their partners and start their own courtships. Yes, you heard it here first; summer is officially on its way!