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Morwenna A
In celebration of Mental Health Awareness Week (14-20 May), Rod Ferbrache - RSPB Guernsey Local Group member, gives a beautifully honest account of living with depression and how a connection to his local nature helped.
 
I am blessed to be living in the beautiful island of Guernsey. Married to a wonderful lady, who has given us two great daughters, who have in turn  blessed us with four grandchildren. 
 
However, it was back in October 1994 that depression first struck. It followed a back injury, and a few weeks off work, at a time when my employer was not at all sympathetic to sick leave. I was also in quite a stressful situation, and knew that my continuing absence was not being appreciated at work. This led to a rapid downward spiral, and I ended-up being referred to a psychiatrist at our local psychiatric hospital as an outpatient. I found it extremely difficult to accept that I was clinically depressed, and being prescribed antidepressants, sleeping tablets, and tranquilizers was even harder to swallow (pun intended!).
 
I quickly became quite reclusive, and once my wife had left for work I would not take phone calls or answer the door. Taking to the roads only at night when there was no one about. I started getting threatening letters from my employer is spite of them being contacted by the psychiatrist and visited by my wife to explain my situation. This added trauma then triggered Fibromyalgia with pain all over my body which was only diagnosed several years later.
 
(Photo 1: Rod Ferbrache)
 
By the following January my back had improved, but the depression remained, along with heightened anxiety. It was about that time that I plucked up courage to wander down the road to a local nature reserve, and was sitting alone in the hide one day, when the husband of one of my wife’s work colleagues popped in. We started chatting, he shared how he too had fought a long fight with depression, and offered to take me out birdwatching.
 
1995 saw me starting my first bird year list. This was followed by a half day being in a bird race team, and then I became hooked!
 
I joined the RSPB Guernsey Local Group, and a natural history ornithological group. Four years later our church asked me if I would be willing to run a five week course on birdwatching for them. This I did, and enjoyed the experience so much I have developed it into a 12 week course which I now run twice a year. One as an evening course with weekend walks, and the other a weekday morning course with a walk every other week.
 
So far I guess I have had about 200 people through my course, plus several repeats. The hobby then developed into bird photography, which being retired now, has grown into as big a hobby as the birdwatching. I cannot imagine life with out birds, and, the literally hundreds of friends I have made because of them. Being out on the cliffs, or walking through a wood, my senses are alive to the sights and sounds of nature. I am a Christian, and can honestly thank God for my depression, for without it all of this would never have happened.
 
Yes mental illness is awful, and sadly still stigmatised. Yet being out in the fresh air, learning about the secret lives of these wonderful avian creatures, and being in wonderment of the incredible journeys they have undertaken to be with us, can brighten the darkest day. It may not change the way we feel, it may not cure our depression, yet somehow being out there with them, sharing that moment with someone can make such a difference. It certainly has for me.
 
(Photo 2: One of Rod's many stunning photographs - a greenfinch)
 
 
 
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