Oxymoron humour

Thought I would share some humour from our company magazine to give you a bit of light-hearted relief during these dull winter months and also as it's still too quiet on the forum !

  • Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand ?
  • If a word in a dictionary was misspelled, how would we know ?
  • Why does "slow down" and slow up"  mean the same thing ?
  • Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing ?
  • Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light" ?
  • Does "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected ?
  • Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites ?
  • Why does "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things ?
  • Why is "phonetic"  not spelled the way it sounds ?   
  • If love is blind then why is lingerie so popular ?
  • Why do we press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead ?
  • Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase ?
  • How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?
  • Christmas - what other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat sweets out of your socks ?

cheese jokes to follow shortly  ! ...............  

_________________________________________________________________________

Regards, Hazel 

My Flickr. photo  link HERE 

  • One of my favourite comedy lines...

    https://youtu.be/9WGOzIVoICY

    Unicum arbustum haud alit duos erithacos

    (One bush does not shelter two Robins)

    Zenodotus (3rd Century B.C.)

     

  • [quote

    • Christmas - what other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat sweets out of your socks ?

    can scarcely see for laughing at this one aitch!

     

     2013 photos & vids here

    eff37 on Flickr

  • Can hardly wait for the jokes!! Lol.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  • An old work colleague always used to tell me that the best way to pass from this life is to go bed then wake up dead.!!

    FYI, he’s still around.!! :-)

    My bird photos HERE

  • In reply to Paul A:

    LOL Paul !      

    _________________________________________________________________________

    Regards, Hazel 

    My Flickr. photo  link HERE 

  • ok,  now for the cheesy jokes ............

    Q)   How do you eat crumbly cheese in Wales ?

    A)   Caerphilly   !

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Never do business with a cheese-monger .........

    It's one Roule for them, one Roule for everyone else   !

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q)  What do you call a curly-haired cheese ?

    A)   Permesan  !

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q)  What do you call a dinosaur made of cheese ?

    A)   Gorgonzilla  !

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q)  What is a cheese diet ?

    A)  Eating curds and weigh !

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Did you hear the cheesy weather forecast  .......

    Rain with a light Bries   !

    _________________________________________________________________________

    Regards, Hazel 

    My Flickr. photo  link HERE 

  • In reply to HAZY:

    Oh my, need to go back to bed for a lie down after reading all that curdling jokes!!

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Good thinking Hazy, keep the troops laughing!

    Best wishes

    Hazel in the Gironde estuary, France